PRETTY GIRLS LOVE BAD BOYD: HOW TO BUILD AND MAINTAIN RELATIONSHIPS FROM PRISON

By King Guru

Every once in a while, when I’m in my cell studying for an exam or working on a manuscript, I’ll shut everything off so I can really think while I work. Usually, the ambient sound in the background consists of doors opening and closing, different genres of music coming from different people’s cells, and an occasional irate lunatic (guard or inmate). But, sometimes things get so quiet that you can actually hear a conversation that’s taking place on the other end if the tier.

I try not to make it a habit to listen in on other people’s conversations, especially if the person is on the phone, talking to his people. Nevertheless, based on my environment, things happen. I recently found myself “hearing” more than a few phone calls because the building went to yard, but a few people stayed in to call their girlfriends.

During my circumstantial eavesdropping session, I quickly noticed a common theme amongst the callers. They were all calling to ask for something. It seemed like the moment there was an opening in the conversation, the first thing all these guys would do was ask for packages, money for commissary, sexy pictures and letters. A couple of the conversations sounded kinda hostile, too. It was as if a few of the guys we’re demanding the delivery of such items.

I’m not a judgmental person. I’m not the type of person who’ll sit here and call those guys selfish, inconsiderate, or disrespectful. I’m just not like that, because I know everyone is on their own journey in life. Just because I’m at a place where I understand certain dynamics of life doesn’t make me any better than the next man. Plus, I have experience on my hands. I can recall a time when that’s all I did was ask my friends and family for their time (running errands) and money. I have one baby mamma who literally stopped answering my calls for six months because, according to her, it seemed like a bill collector was calling every time my number popped up on her phone! That incident actually took place about 4 years ago, and ever since then I had a “sit down” with myself and really thought about my relationships.

I know what it is to need assistance from loved ones on the street, but I don’t like being seen as a buggaboo. So, I came up with conversation fodder that is meant to build on relationships. Instead of using a lull in your talks to ask for something, I’ve learned to maximize them 15-minute calls. My book PRETTY GIRLS LOVE BAD BOYS has a whole chapter dedicated to this subject. As a matter of fact, here’s an excerpt from the first book in the series…

“In order for you to be a Master at Communicating you have to know how to listen. Not only are you supposed to listen to what she has to say, you also need to know the right questions to ask so you can get the most information. And the purpose of this is so you can get to know your better half better than she knows herself.

How well we communicate is usually a strong indication of how strong our relationships will be. As you and your partner take turns finishing each of the following sentences, focus on listening to what the other is saying, and on providing the clearest possible statements:
We are most successful in our communication efforts when we…

  • Our communication is most difficult when we…
  • Sometimes I don’t understand what you mean when you…
  • At times I feel you don’t understand me when I…
  • I would feel more confident in our relationship if I heard you say…
  • I would believe that you understand me better if you…

An open discussion is the first step in strengthening trust in relationships. Remember, you and your partner may not always see eye to eye, but by understanding one another and truly caring about each other’s feelings, you should be able to reach compromises that make you both happy. Here are some questions to get you started:

  • Do you feel you can trust me fully? Why or why not?
  • Do you ever feel I may not be telling you the truth? Why or why not?
  • How do you feel about the importance of fidelity in a relationship? How would you feel if you found out your partner was unfaithful?
  • What was your parents’ relationship like when you were growing up? Were both parents faithful? How do you think their relationship has impacted your view of fidelity and trust today?”

PRETTY GIRLS LOVE BAD BOYS has tons of relationship building tools within its pages. I can probably list a thousand reasons why conversations like these are so much more profitable than that which the average inmate is having. Instead of wasting time asking for sexy pics and money for packages, more guys need to spend those precious moments to build upon their current relationships.

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